INTRO

A big collection of weird laws. Most of these come from the book Ludicrous Laws and Mindless Misdemeanors by Lance S. Davidson, which my uncle gave to me before we moved to Florida (they did the same, except they moved to an EVEN SHITTIER town than us.) Please email to know what else they gave me, if it makes you THAT curious.

If you have any additional information on any of these laws (such as if they were overturned or they're exclusive to a single city,) you can contact me at SicklySweetFever@yahoo.com, but I'd prefer you IM me on Discord (sickly.sweet.fever) as its much more convenient.

Alabama

• A woman may not transfer or mortgage her own land without her husband's approval unless he's imprisoned, insane, or lives in another state
• A woman may keep her clothes as separate property from those of her husband (would they even fit him?)

Arizona

• It is considered a hate crime if anyone spreads malicious misinformation about Arizona farm products (Is that why I never hear from Mom's friend Kate anymore?
• It is unlawful to refuse a person a glass of water
• If being attacked by a criminal, you may only defend yourself if you are using the same weapon as the criminal (What if they're using a SPESHUL weapon though?!?!?!
• Hunting camels is prohibited.
• Any misdemeanor committed while wearing a red mask is considered a felony. (They must HATE Spiderman in Arizona)
• Donkeys may not sleep in bathtubs (what about horses though?)
• (Tempe) One may only drink booze in a city park if the park is larger than three acres.
• A "horse" can also be a donkey, mule, or burro.
• It is illegal to not report a duel to the police. (Unsurprisingly, no would-be-duelists have confessed)
• It's a-ok to sodomize an animal (probably overturned due to all states decriminalizing sodomy)
• One may not shove a slug or a phony coin into a parking meter
• First cousins may only marry if they are over the age of sixty-five

Arkansas

• It is illegal to mispronounce the state name when giving a speech.
• Teachers who bob their hair will not get a raise (Are we serious?)
• An atheist may not hold office or testify as witness.
• One may not hold office within ten years of fighting a duel or acting as a second

California

• In San Anselmo, you may not sell black candy cigarettes referred to as "cola sticks" due to the "peculiar and singular characteristic of forming a black and sticky mass of pernicious quality. There is no law on toupees.
• Sunshine is guaranteed to the masses.
• Animals may not mate near schools (Please tell me it includes humans, right?)
• It is FINALLY legal to sell alcoholic beverages in nudist colonies (Wow, they must've been very excited for that...)
• A bull is required to be in the company of at least thirty cows while grazing in open range.
• One may not possess more than one bear gallbladder (do i even want to know how that law came to be?)
• Horses and donkeys may mate freely unless they are within 400 ft of town limits and the inhabitants have an unobstructured view (is this at all related to the other animal mating law?)
• A school district may discharge a bus driver that believes in the religious sacrifice of children.
• (Marin County) Homeowners must admit a county health inspector to their home during business hours regardless of whether or not the inspector has a warrant.
• (Marin County) The law requires at least two feet of open air underneath piles of lumber (do they sell floating lumber there? WHAT IS UP WITH MARIN COUNTY!?)
• It is no longer legal to trip horses for entertainment (tragic)

Connecticut

• It is illegal to import horse semen without government approval (there goes my weekend plans AGAIN.)

Colorado

• It is no longer legal to hunt ducks from airplanes.

Delaware

• The legislature can amend the state constitution without voter aprroval. (Breaking news: The CEO of democracy HATES DEMOCRACY?)

Florida

• It is illegal to sell your children.
• One may tarnish the confederate flag in any ways he wants, as long as it is not for crass purposes.
• You may not sing in a public place while wearing a swimsuit. (Allegedly overturned)
• If one wants to be get paid for braiding hair, they must learn about communicable diseases such as HIV and AIDS
• To gather alligator eggs, one must have a license (and quite a bit of nerve as well, might I add)
• Unmarried women may not skydive on Sundays (overturned in 2005, thankfully. But seriously, how did that law stick around for SO LONG?)
• (Destin) It is illegal to ride a bicycle through a cemetery
• (Florida Keys) Chickens are a protected species (So no Bojangles tonight?)
• (Satellite Beach) Wearing an outfit of liquid latex or body paint is considered nudity.
• It's illegal for a person to sell wine or champagne in an individual container holding more than 1 gallon, unless it's in a reusable container holding 5.16 gallons.
• All nuisances that tend to annoy the community, injure the health of the citizens in general, or corrupt the public morals are misdemeanors of the second degree (THAT'S RIGHT WEST PORTERS, YOU ARE ALL GOING TO JAIL!)
• If a woman falls asleep under a hair dryer, the salon owner may be fined (Good thing that hair dryers are loud, I guess
• (Pensacola) If you roll a barrel down the street, you may be fined. The price of the fine depends on the contents of the barrel.
• The punishment for horse theft is still death by hanging. However, there is no way to enforce this (I guess the governor's too busy fucking up classroom education to fix the laws)
• One may not park at an intersection. (y'know, i'm not even surprised, and that's shocking. People REALLY suck here, don't they?
• It is illegal to sell oranges near Miami Beach (Well, at least the lady from the Sublime song didn't move to Miami)
• Men cannot wear strapless gowns in public. (RIP to whoever put the law in place, you must've been an excellent man
• (Cape Coral) It is illegal to hang your clothes from a clothesline
• (Tampa) It is illegal to eat cottage cheese after 6PM on a Sunday (hey Mom, consider this before you think about abandoning your family, moving to tampa, and becoming a whore
• (Miami) One may not ride a skateboard into a police station
• Living in an open state of adultery is a misdemeanor offense in the eyes of the law. (Sad news for the cuckold community
• You cannot release 10 or more balloons at a time, unless they are biodegradable, are hot air balloons, are released indoors, or are part of a meteorological project.
• Any person who knows that a fire is endangering the life or property of another and fails to deal with the fire in any way can is guilty of a second degree misdemeanor
• A seller cannot claim that souvenirs are "From Florida" or "Fresh From Florida" unless they are registered with the Florida Department of Agriculture.
• You cannot be pulled by a vehicle if you are on a bicycle, sled, toy vehicle. or roller skates (do people actually use sleds in Florida?)
• Only married couples may live togehter lewdly and lasciviously

Idaho

• Livestock may not graze within the boundaries of cities containing more than 500 inhabitants. (This is worse than the rule about not being able to eat in a burning building)

Illinois

• Up until the 1960s, English was not to be spoken, instead Illinoisians spoke "American." (Was the governor STUPID?)
• One may not pee in his neighbor's mouth (there goes my weekend plans)
• One may not eat in a building that is burning. (How did this law even happen?)
• Joliet must be pronounced with an accent in the first syllable and a long o
• (Springfield) Dwarf tossing is banned in order to improve air quality. (Anything else you wanna add?)

Indiana

• One may not sniff glue
• A child may not dress Barbie in Ken's clothes. (How would you even enforce that? "Oh sorry Mandy, you're going to jail for thinking Barbie dolls can wear boy clothes.")

Kentucky

• If one comes face-to-face with a cow on the road, he must remove his hat
• It is illegal to use reptiles during religious services (okay, were they crucifying a salamander or something?)
• It is illegal for politicians to hand out alcoholic beverages on Election Day.

Louisiana

• There are two kinds of fruit. Only one is natural. (if it helps, the other kind of fruit isn't actual fruit)
• If one instructs a pizza delivery man to deliver a pizza to their friend without the friend's knowledge and consent, he could be fined $500 dollars
• "Pleasure boats" must be powered by internal combustion engines. (that doesn't sound very pleasuring)

Maine

• It is illegal to catch a lobster with your bare hands
• It is illegal to keep a business open on Munday, unless it is the Christmas shopping season.

Maryland

• It is illegal for bars to offer free lunches to patrons.
• Female "sitters" or "shills," used by tavern owners to lure male patrons to buy drinks, are outlawed (probably for the same reason there's no free lunches)
• Drinking booze is forbidden at tailgate parties outside of sports stadiums, but you may buy booze in the stadium during the game (damn Maryland, what's with all the booze laws?)
• A man may not marry his grandmother, nor may a woman marry her granddaughter's husband(FINALLY, a non booze law)

Massachusetts

• It is illegal to manufacture, sell, or knowingly use exploding golf balls.

Michigan

• Using picturees of deceased presidents to sell liquor is illegal (But what if its the current president?)
• One may not be caught playing The Star Spangled Banner in a club. (the single easiest insanity plea of my life)
• It is a misdemeanor to scoff at a picture of someone who has refused to duel with you.
• It is a felony to seduce a single woman. There is no law for seducing a single man.

Minnesota

Montana

• It is illegal to bring a bomb or rocket at city council proceedings. (BOOOOORING!!!)
• Women are not allowed to wear bonnets in movie theaters

Nebraska

• It is illegal to sell liquor to people in their cars unless they are handicapped.
• If a child burps during church, his parents may be arrested. (okay, now where's our law banning gravity?)
• It is Illegal to fish for whales (Nebraska btw, the most landlocked place ever)
• It is illegal for bar owners to sell beer unless they are simultaneously brewing a kettle of soup
• A mother may not give her daughter a perm without a state license. (but what about a father?)
• Donut holes may not be sold. (Oh those poor munchkins...)

• County commissioners may outlaw livestock on a highway so long as the highway is fenced on both sides. (How does the livestock figure out that law?)
• Boxing and wrestling competitions in which a punch is not reasonably expected to inflict injury are not subject to laws regulating unarmed combat (at least that eliminates the professional stuff)
• The only game that does not count as gambling is "spin the bottle."
• Funeral directors can be arrested for using profane language in the presence of a dead body
• One can be arrested for cheating while gambling. The same can not be said for marriage.
• Phony marriages are classified as real marriages
• The only thing needed to get a divorce is show that the spouses have lived separately for a year or more

New Hampshire

• Theft or poaching of a bear is only illegal if you are considered a "natural person."

New Jersey

• (Bergen County) Retail stores may not open on Sundays.

New Mexico

• It is illegal to sell imitation honey, even if it is clearly labeled as such. (What did imitation honey do to them?)
• One needs their spouse's permission to undergo sterilization.

North Carolina

• It is unlawful for one to put his hand near a container that contains a venomous reptile if he is aware it contains one. (the exotic pet industry is COLLAPSING)
• It is illegal to walk on the state house roof
• It is unlawful to conduct or participate in a dance-a-thon or walk-a-thon lasting more than eight hours or participate in more than one within 48 hours
• A man and a woman may not occupy the same bedroom in a hotel for any immoral purposes. This law includes married couples

Oklahoma

• It is illegal to injure melons while trespassing at night (The melons don't like it)

Rhode Island

• A fence unnecessarily higher than six feet erected to spite neighbors is a private nuisance

South Carolina

• One must have a permit to crawl around the public sewer system. (Can't have SHIT in the US)
• A young boy may be sent to juvie for seducing a maiden by promise of marriage unless she's "lewd and unchaste."

Tennessee

• You may not throw a banana on the sidewalk (That must explain why i haven't heard of too many comedians from Tennessee
• Anyone may cripple or kill a "proud bitch" running at large. (Well, nobody saw my childhood dog Cheddar fight that bear, right? Or did she fight a raccoon?)

Utah

• You may not buy a drink if you are drunk (How do you even know that you can't buy a drink if you're drunk)

Virginia

• It is illegal to throw water balloons from a multistory building. It is okay to throw them from anywhere else though.

Vermont

• Vagrants may not steal food (Does that mean if you have a good job and a stable home life, you CAN steal food? Why the need to specify vagrants?)
• A bowling alley set up next door to a school or church is subject to a daily fine (dance halls and pool halls are exempt)
• One is subject to a penalty if he draws ice from water and fails to fence the hole.
• Anyone found possessing a slingshot can be imprisoned and fined. This also includes children.

Washington

• It is illegal to catch fish by throwing rocks at them. One is allowed to use explosives to catch fish however.
• Fake professional wrestling is illegal (I WANT REAL BLOOD MOMMY!)
• One must use the "permanent and regular seat" while riding a bicycle
• One may not molest his fishing gear
• You are guilty of reckless driving if you can not embrace another and still operate the vehicle freely and unhampered
• One may not have a front seat TV in their car
• It is a misdemeanor to dispose of your trash in a charity donation receptacle (people do that?
• One may not molest fish (Does the fishing gear molester have anything to do with this law?)

Washington, DC

• It is illegal to marry your mother-in-law (I'd hope so, WTF?)

Wisconsin

• In St. Croix, it is illegal for women to wear the color red (I used to think this law also applied for Milwaukee. Laugh at me!)
• You can marry your house (someone find me a nice Tuscan villa in Southern Wisconsin)
• In order to make cheese, you must have a license (damn, they take cheese SERIOUSLY down in Wiscansin /INTENTIONAL MISSPELLING)