RETURN TO SWEET-FEVER

Portal Quotes. That's it. Go home.

Welcome to the Aperture Science Enrichment Center!

Portal's humor is what drew me to the game in the first place, so of course I would make a page of some of my favorite quotes from the game, in no particular order! If my sister is viewing this page, thank you. Thank you for creating this monster.

Portal One!

• The Enrichment Center once again reminds you that android hell is a real place where you will be sent at the first sign of defiance
• As part of a previously mentioned required test protocol, we can no longer lie to you. After testing, you will be...missed
• At the Enrichment Center, we promise never to value your safety above your unique ideas and creativity
• Despite your violent behavior, the only thing you've managed to break so far is my heart.
• I wouldn't bother with that thing. My guess is that touching it will just make your life even worse somehow.
• That thing is probably some kind of raw sewage container. Go ahead and rub your face all over it.
• Maybe you should marry that thing since you love it so much. Do you want to marry it? WELL I WON'T LET YOU!
• All your other friends couldn't come either because you don't have any other friends...Because of how unlikable you are. It says so right here in your personnel file: Unlikable. Liked by no one. A bitter, unlikable loner whose passing shall not be mourned. 'Shall not be mourned.' That's exactly what it says. Very formal. Very official. It also says you were adopted, so that's funny.
• I have a surprise for you. Deploying surprise in Five. Four--
• Cake and grief counseling will be available at the conclusion of the test
• [GLITCHING] fling yourself. [MORE GLITCHING] fling into space.
• Did you know you can donate one or all of your vital organs to the Aperture Science self esteem fund for girls? It's true
• The Aperture Science High Energy Pellet can and has caused permanent disabilities, such as vaporization

Portal 2!

Regular Campaign

• Science has validated your birth mother's decision to abandon you on a doorstep. GladOS
• The first commercial flight was in 1914. Everyone involved screamed the whole time. Fact Core
• You might have a very minor case of serious brain damage. Wheatley
• When you die, I'm going to laminate your skeleton so future generations can learn from you how to not to have your bone structure. GladOS
• We both said a lot of things that you are going to regret. GladOS
• You know who found that interesting? Nobody. That didn't affect anybody's life in any way whatsoever. Life would be exactly the same if you hadn't said anything Adventure Core
• At some point in their lives 1 in 6 children will be abducted by the Dutch Fact Core
• You know what I hope's in space? Fire. I hope you go to space and catch on fire Adventure Core
• Look, an eclipse! No. Don't look! Space Core
• Here come the test results: You are a horrible person. I'm serious, that's what it says: a horrible person. We weren't even testing for that GladOS
• Just hang in there for five more-What? Jerry, you can't fire me for that! Yes, JERRY - or maybe your prejudiced worksite should have accommodated a nanobot of my size. Thanks for the hate crime, Jer! See you in court, mate. Wheatley
• The birth parents you are trying to reach do not love you. Please hang up GladOS
• Because this message is prerecorded, the Enrichment Center has no way of knowing if whatever government remains offers any sort of Cattle Tuberculosis Testing Credit for taxes. In the event that it does, this next test involves exposure to cattle tuberculosis. Good luck! GladOS
• In case of implosion, look directly at implosion
• You're not just a regular moron. You were DESIGNED to be a moron GladOS
• YOU'RE THE MORON THEY BUILT TO MAKE ME AN IDIOT! GladOS
• How are you holding up? BECAUSE I'M A POTATO! GladOS
• He's not just a regular moron. He's the product of the greatest minds of a generation working together with the express purpose of building the dumbest moron who ever lived. And you just put him in charge of the entire facility. GladOS
• It's your old friend, deadly neurotoxin. If I were you, I'd take a deep breath. And hold it. GladOS
• Those of you who volunteered to be injected with praying mantis DNA, I've got some good news and bad news. Bad news is we're postponing those tests indefinitely. Good news is we've got a much better test for you: fighting an army of mantis men. Pick up a rifle and follow the yellow line. You'll known when the test starts. Cave Johnson

Co-Op

I don't know what you think you are doing, but I don't like it and I want you to stop.

I can't decide which is my favorite, the crushers crushing you are the reasembly machine putting you back together so that you can be crushed again

You are the most advanced model of robot Aperture Science has ever discontinued.

You're no longer bothering me, you're only hurting my impression of you

This is a bridge-building exercise. The humans were miserable at this, mostly because you can't build bridges out of tears